Khutso Mokgehle
30 Jun

By Khutso Mokgehle

One evening, I had dinner with three of my female colleagues as we had travelled for work. We had a girl-talk, and it was fun to chat about anything and everything else besides work.

We got to talk about relationships at some point. I, being the only married woman got a question that I could not answer: Is your husband romantic?

I was quiet for a few seconds when the ladies chuckled and said that he is probably not romantic as I was hesitant to give an answer. Still feeling a bit confused, I asked my colleagues what being romantic meant? And this was a genuine question as for the first time in my nine-years of marriage I had to really think if my husband was romantic or not.

I don't know if they responded or not because at the moment, I was very far in my thoughts. 

The reason why it was so hard for me to answer this question, was because "romance" is defined by media in a way that does not relate to me or rather, to us as couple.

1. Flowers

My husband discovered very early in our marriage that flowers are not for me. I hate the smell. I was in the events business for more than six-years, I know where flowers are bought (I am talking about the "warehouse of flowers"), besides, I can do floral arrangements, so flowers aren't so romantic for me.

2. Candlelight dinners

In South Africa we have loadshedding (power cuts) daily, so we have candlelight dinners more often than we would like, so no darkness for me, thank you. 

3. Chocolate

They give me migraines, so no, thank you. 

4. Money

My husband has put money in my purse many times, and after a week or so, the money would be exactly the way it was when he put in. 

So, clearly things that mean a lot to women in the movies, do not necessarily make my heart tickle. 

So, what makes my heart tickle?

1. When my husband goes out of his way to drive me to where I have to go. I hate driving and I love my husband's company, he makes me laugh so much, so whenever I get to be with him on a "road trip", it makes me super happy.

2. When my husband tells me to rest! With two kids, aged 3 and 6 years, a full-time job and ministry, the sweetest thing my husband can ever say is, "go to sleep, I'll be with the kids", that's music to my ears.

3. Night outs! Oh, how I love this. Getting to spend time with my husband, away from the familiar surroundings, and having those long drives, that's therapeutic to me.

4. Hearing my husband pray while sleeping is one of the best things for me, it is the sweetest lullaby.

5. Fathering with excellence. I love seeing my husband love his children, I know they are his and he should love them, but I find it charming when a man is a hands-on-dad, I have always admired that from when I was a child, and seeing my husband knowing which medicine to give the kids when they have fever, being able to make them sleep when they are restless, driving them out to buy popsicles, really melts my heart.

The list is endless, but these are my top 5 and my husband is nailing each one of them. 

These might not match the Hollywood standards of being romantic, but this is what keeps me smiling day in and day out and thanking God for such an amazing marriage life, I am blessed.

So yes, my, Chris is super romantic, Hollywood will never understand though. 

Unwarranted Pressure

I have noted how the world's systems often influence us as people, but even more as Christians. When we go back to the blueprint of marriage according to the Creator, a husband should love his wife and the wife should submit. This is enough. However, we often bow down to societal pressures of how marriage should be. 

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her..." Eph 5:25

I am honestly happy that I am able to answer this question honestly and soberly, and I guess it has to do with age. 

Many young Christian wives are victims of the societal pressure of what a husband is and how they should "perform" their husband duties - but then when we reflect on God's word, we realise that the husband has one job - to love his wife. 

So, 'loving your wife' will be different for each couple. I have observed with other married couples around us that each husband loves his wife differently. Some are gift-givers, some are wife-fetchers, some are clothes-buyers, etc, the beauty of it is seeing the wife appreciate how the husband showcases his love for her. 

Watching too many telenovelas and movies can really screw up a beautiful marriage. As a wife, abstain from unwarranted pressure for your husband to perform for any crowd, marriage is sacred, keep it pure. 

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